Dealing With Angry, Difficult Customers

By James A. Baker
Author, The Anger Busting Workbook,
Finalist, Book of the Year, Foreword Magazine
Founder and CEO,
Baker Communications

In a perfect world, you would always be able to give the customer exactly what he wants. But, in the immortal words of a great philosopher of the late 20th century, you can’t always get what you want. Company policies, stipulations in the warranty, government regulations, and the physical limitations of the space-time continuum, just to name a few obstacles, sometimes make it hard to satisfy the customer’s request. When this is the case, don’t just give up and say, "No." Do whatever you can to offer options or work to fulfill other related needs to whatever extent you can. Above all, never start with what you can’t do? always start with what you can do!

Here is a good form to use:

"I would like to apologize again, Mr. Miller, for the problems you have been having. Here is what I can do for you. I can give you a 20% discount on the purchase of a new unit. I’m afraid the full replacement warranty has expired on your present unit, so the company can’t cover the total cost. Would that help you at all?"

In many instances, this approach will satisfy the customer, but not always, especially if your customer’s anger level is very high when he calls. Why do customers get angry? It is usually pretty simple: Everyone has an idea or expectation of what should happen in a service transaction. When customers do not see things going the way they think they should, they get angry. And, the longer the delay in having those expectations met, the angrier the customer becomes. He stews over what he ought to be getting.

Dealing with angry customers is an important part of the customer service process. Don’t be surprised when you get an angry customer, and don’t take his anger personally. He is not really angry with you; he is disturbed about a situation, and your job is to help if you can. Knowing what to expect from an angry customer is half the battle to professionally resolving the situation. Angry customers usually express themselves in three predictable patterns:

• Passive,
• Aggressive
• Problem-Solving.

Let’s look at the types of anger in more detail.

1. People with a passive anger style fear conflict, so they avoid direct confrontation and give little or no indication of their feelings. Passive and/or passive aggressive behaviors vary greatly, including no response, a subtle "I’m disappointed," or use of sarcasm when they really mean, "I am very angry". This type of angry customer is difficult because there is no feedback, no way to fix the situation. You lose and you don’t know why. These people want the problem fixed without having to deal directly or honestly.

2. People with an aggressive anger style fear wasting time; for them, expressing emotions is not a problem. They can get very angry and lose control to the point of abusiveness. They may forget their goal and just try to get even if their expectations are not met. However, if you can help them get past their anger, they can generally put the incident behind them and proceed logically. Aggressive people just want you to fix the problem NOW!

3. The Problem Solver is your best-case scenario. Their biggest concern is that the problem will not be properly fixed. They know how to express their feelings appropriately. They want a complete solution for the problem they face, not a partial one. They want their feelings acknowledged and require agreement on specific actions. They are capable of responding maturely, and they are often people-oriented and task-focused. They expect to be handled in the same way that they handle others. However, they can move into a more aggressive stance if their needs are not met appropriately.

Here are some things to keep in mind while you are helping your angry customer work through his issues:

Check Your Emotions: When you feel your emotions climbing, take a breath and identify your own state of mind (passive, aggressive, or problem solver). Try to keep your own feelings at arms length and move back into a more logical mode.

Take time to let the customer vent his feelings: When the customer is furious and venting, let him work through that essential part of the process. He has to release the emotional steam in order to begin dealing with the non-emotional part. It is his human and natural reaction.

Acknowledge and Empathize. Don’t interrupt, listen. Apologize for the inconvenience or disappointment the customer has experienced. Express your desire to do whatever you possibly can to address the problem as the customer understands it.

Some customers are more difficult to deal with than others. But very few customers are inherently rude or mean. They are people, just like you, and they have good days and bad days, just like you. Even though this may be a bad day for them, don’t let it turn into a bad day for you. Remind yourself that, when a customer is mad, rude, challenging, or otherwise difficult to help, there is always a reason. Once you understand that reason, and the customer recognizes that you understand the reason, you will be well on your way to solving the problem.

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September Customer Service Quick Tip of the Month – Don’t Make It Worse
When dealing with an angry customer, avoid the following words and statements. These words can inflame a customer and keep him in an emotional phase:

• "No."
• "It’s not my responsibility."
• "You" statements, such as: "You must be mistaken; You should have told me; You ought to have called; You can’t; You have to."
• Negatives I’s: "I can’t help you; I don’t know, I won’t be here."
• Silence: no affirmation, acknowledgement, reaction.
• Denials: "Never happened before; No one else has ever had the problem; Not our policy; Are you sure?"
• Passive Aggressive Behaviors: moving too slow, making faces, muttering, talking to co-workers, taking other calls, avoiding.
• Fighting for the last word or having to be right.
• Saying everything is okay when it isn’t.
• Interrupting the customer’s venting.
• Sarcasm or putdowns.
• Using technical jargon.