When Things Get Stuck Don’t Reject, Reframe

 

Everyone hopes for a smooth, congenial negotiation process, and often that is exactly what happens. However, there are those times when things get stuck and all you hear is, "NO, NO, NO." Here are three suggestions for ways to get things "unstuck" when you find yourself in this situation

1. Get a broader perspective. When we are confronted with a difficult situation, we tend to act or react without thinking. Instead, our common reactions are often to strike back, give in, or break off relations with the other party. Rather than reacting and losing sight of your interests, try to step back and view the process as from a distance, almost like you were hovering above the process in a balloon. Take a quick inventory of everything that has been said and done up to this point. By doing so you keep your emotions in check and prevent yourself from doing something that might damage relations. Start by identifying any strategies the other party may be using. Are they being positional? Is the other party making personal attacks or using manipulative tactics? After you have identified their strategy, it is important to keep yourself from immediately reacting. Instead, stop and think. Ask yourself, "How can I keep myself from venting my anger on the other party?" Attempt to clarify what they have said. Don't let the other party speed up the negotiation so as to confuse you. If necessary, take a break. Tell them you need to make a phone call or you need to speak to your supervisor. Stay in control and don't rush any decisions. Keep focused on what you are trying to achieve by going the balcony whenever you need to.

2. Put yourself in their shoes. In working with difficult people, it is of the utmost importance that you take the time to listen to their concerns. Sit quietly, and try to understand exactly where your differences lie. Let them vent their anger and frustration. By doing so, the other party can release tension and negative emotions and consequently be more receptive to your concerns. Be sure to clarify any points you may not have understood. Ask questions which seek to clarify their statements without twisting their words. Let them know you are genuinely concerned and understand why they are frustrated or upset. If appropriate, apologize if your actions played a role in arousing their negative feelings. Even if the other party is mostly at fault, an apology can help to calm them down and bring them to their senses. It may help them realize that perhaps they are partly at fault.

Look for areas of agreement. Openly acknowledge certain areas where you agree; this helps to reinforce the positive rather than the negative. Try to "bond" with the other party by mirroring some of their mannerisms or their speaking style. This can work wonders in helping them to feel comfortable while negotiating with you. Show the other party respect, and work towards establishing a solid working relationship based on good intentions and mutual trust.

When trying to persuade the other party, let them know where you stand in a non threatening manner. When you disagree on an issue, avoid stating your opinion with a "yes, but...." Work towards giving your opinion without letting the other party feel you are telling them they are wrong. Persuade by relating how you feel and how differences affect you personally rather than pointing the finger at the other party. Don't back down from your beliefs, but let them know you are willing to iron out differences. Explain to them that you would like to work towards an agreement that can make both parties happy.

Most of all, create an environment in which you can negotiate openly and honestly. Always work toward a WIN-WIN outcome rather than attempting to crush the other party. In the end, your relationship with the other party will be strengthened, and you will have laid the foundation for future negotiations based on mutual agreement.

3. Reframe instead of Reject. This strategy enables you to "change the subject," as it were. Instead of arguing with the other side about their issues or positions, try to shift the focus of the conversation onto a complementary track that could benefit both sides. Begin addressing the problem by asking the other party questions. Get them to reveal as much information as possible to uncover their hidden interests and other influences that may be affecting their negotiating style. Try to suggest alternatives through the use of questions. "How about working out a payment plan over the next five years?" Also, "What if I were to include delivery at no added cost to your company?" See if you can't get the other party to contribute some ideas. By asking their advice, you show them respect and an interest in their opinion. When the other party feels they have contributed towards solving the problem, they are more likely to help carry it through. However, while questions are an effective way to gather information, they are most useful when they are open ended. That is, questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no" are the most effective to draw out information.

Remember, no good can come out of getting into a shouting match or a power struggle where both sides are only willing to accept their "in your dreams" solution. Keep probing and listening, and you will discover the Win Win solution that has been right there the whole time.

 

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February Negotiation Quick Tip of the Month – Don’t Be Afraid to Walk Away

Once the other side senses that you have a strong emotional or practical attachment to the key elements in the negotiation, you will suddenly be at a disadvantage. It will be easier for the other side to dig in and drive a harder bargain once they recognize that you urgently want or need what they have. So, even if you do urgently want or need what they have, stay calm and avoid divulging that information. To that end, it is always a good idea to work out in advance what your best option would be if you can’t negotiation a satisfactory agreement. This will help you handle the emotional pressure that negotiating puts on people. If you are not willing to walk away unless you get a fair and satisfactory agreement, you will almost certainly end up with an agreement that is not in your best interest. Also, once the other side realizes that you are willing to walk away, they will become much more reasonable.