If you negotiate regularly ?#147; and everyone does - it is inevitable that at some point you will find yourself in a conflict with another party. Whether arising from communication problems, incompatible personalities, contrasting values, cultural issues or some other source, conflict is a factor that must be handled with sensitivity to achieve a successful negotiation outcome.
How Does Conflict Arise?
Conflict stems, quite simply, from a difference in perspective. It may be based on a variety of concerns, but the essence is always the same: you disagree about something. In and of itself, having different perspectives isn’t a bad thing; the problems really start when somebody has expectations of the other party based on their own perspective, and those expectations, for whatever reason, are not met.
The best way to prevent conflict is to listen to the other party and try to understand their perspective. If a misunderstanding or disagreement surfaces, ask open-ended questions and make an effort to keep the lines of communication open. Listen carefully and be respectful of the other party’s views. Try to determine what their expectations are, and why.
The Escalation of Conflict
In the start-up phase, someone expects something that doesn’t happen, and tensions begin to rise. If the conflict isn’t immediately defused, it begins to escalate. Each side starts looking for ammunition, and things get personal. Tactics and threats fly, more people get involved, and each party’s motivation shifts from doing well in the negotiation to making sure the other side loses more.
Deescalating Conflict
The first problem that must be addressed in conflict situations is the issue of selective perception, which means seeing things the way you want to. The more you stick to your own perspective, the more blinkered you will become.
Instead of allowing the negotiation to turn into a shouting match, put yourself in the other party’s shoes. Actively listen to what they are saying. Examine their motivations.
If you can understand where the other party is coming from, you can begin to seek a solution. If you can’t solve this problem, is there another one you can solve? Examine subordinate goals and try to create an agreement on them. Is there another way to get your goals met, an acceptable alternative for both parties? Break the problem down into smaller, simpler issues and see if you can reach agreement on any of them.
Refocus by trying something completely different. If you catch yourself arguing vehemently, take a break and separate. If you've been tackling a multi?#145;issue problem one issue at a time, try tackling several issues at once. Or, if you've been taking things one at a time, try dealing in groups.
Watch Out For The “EGO” In NEGOtiations
Don’t get too committed to your own perspective. You’ll get trapped. If you put your soul on the line in an argument, you won’t be able to change your mind. Resist the urge to punish or defeat the other party ?#147; you’re here to negotiate an agreement with them, not to fight with them.
If you can, help the other party save face. Once conflict has escalated it can be difficult to back down. Either party may feel that abandoning the argument they risk losing credibility or dignity. Often you will find that offering a graceful way for the other party to save face is all it takes to defuse the conflict entirely.
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