One of the reasons some folks are uncomfortable when it comes to the negotiation process is that very few of us enjoy conflict, and negotiating certainly presents plenty of opportunities for conflict.
Like this scenario, for instance:
Andrea: “I just hate having to deal with Kathy. She always makes me feel like I am wasting her time, and then she asks so many ‘nit-picky’ questions. I don’t think she trusts me at all, but we have been her most reliable vendor for almost 10 years.”
Karen: “Why don’t you cut her a little slack, Andrea? I know Kathy acts like the ‘Queen of Doom and Gloom’ sometimes, but you have to keep in mind that she deals with vendors all day. She is the only buyer for her company, and her boss is on her back ALL the time to cut costs. Just be glad you don’t have her job?or her boss! She may be a bit curt at times, but she is always fair.”
Karen’s remarks illustrate beautifully one solution to alleviating conflict in a negotiation: separate the people from the problem. When we negotiate, we often tend to overlook what should be an obvious fact: the other party is composed of human beings with human feelings. They are people, just like you and, just like you; they have emotions, deeply rooted beliefs and values. They can have good days or bad days, often right in the middle of your negotiation sequence. Even if both of you are having a good day, it is almost certain that you will both have different views and needs where the negotiation is concerned, or there would be no need to negotiate in the first place! This aspect of negotiations can either aid or hinder the negotiation process. While we may individually commit to reaching a satisfactory agreement, these normal, to-be-expected personal differences can sometimes be frustrating; tempers can flare, and egos may get in the way of achieving a mutually agreeable outcome.
One of the most important clues for resolving people problems is hidden right within the word negotiation itself. Just look at the first four letters. What are they? N E G O. Just remember that the “N” stands for “NO” and the rest of the letters spell “EGO.” If you want to have a successful Win-Win negotiation, there can be NO EGO! Avoid anything that would focus the process on you and avoid–at all costs–the temptation to take things personally. Always stay process-focused on the goals you are both trying to reach. So, stay positive, and work for ways to reach agreement. Always try to look at negotiations from the points of view of others: Why do they feel a certain way? What factors influence the way they will approach negotiations? It is also important to avoid getting into the habit of blaming the other party. Before you start pointing fingers, find out if your actions or if your company's actions may have contributed to the problem. Even if an accusation is well founded, it will do nothing but slow down the process. Discuss your perceptions with the other party and try to uncover out what their perceptions are.
When working towards agreement, let the other party take an active role in the process. People are more apt to reach a favorable agreement when they feel they are playing an active role in formulating the outcome. Try to make your proposals consistent with the values the other party holds.
For example:
Marshall: (sharply) “Look, Jeff, my group is simply NOT going to accept another 10% reduction in the price of the order. You guys ‘browbeat’ us last year, and we are ready for you this time around.”
Jeff: (calmly) “Marshall, I am really sorry if you felt you were treated unfairly last year. That was before I was working here, so I can’t comment on what happened. I do know that all we want is to find a way that we can afford to keep buying your product. Surely, somehow we can make this deal work for both of us. What are your suggestions?”
Effectively handling emotions is critical to a successful negotiation, and it begins with recognizing and understanding the emotions of all parties. Allow the other party to vent steam, but just don’t follow suit. When communicating, try to first understand the other party before attempting to be understood. Avoid the temptation to plan your next snappy comeback, and instead, LISTEN to what the other party is trying to say. Acknowledge or clarify what he is saying. Make sure that what you think you are hearing is really what they mean. Most importantly, when working towards separating the problem from the people, it is crucial to build a good working relationship with the other party. Work on solving the problem instead of taking things personally, and your chances for a successful negotiation will go way up, and your blood pressure will stay down!
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June Negotiation Quick Tip of the Month – Say Good-bye to “Everyone”
One common category of negotiation tactic involves citing precedents or policies or industry standards in an attempt to convince you that your expectations are out of step with “the way things are done around here.” However, negotiating is not the art of doing what has always been done, it is the art of doing what needs to be done. “Everything is negotiable” is not a clich? it is a reality, no matter how things have always been done. For instance, take the old saw, “Everyone is giving us 90 days net these days.” How do you respond to that line? Just like your mother did when you tried to use it on her. Simply smile, say, “Everyone?” and then remain silent. Keep smiling silently until they finally gulp and say, “Well, a lot of our suppliers do.” Good. That means some do not. Now the coast is clear to get on with an honest negotiation about terms.
