When it comes to the topic of negotiation, there are some assumptions floating around out there that are held strongly by so many people, that they are widely accepted as “common wisdom.” Unfortunately, they are myths, masquerading as facts, and relying on such assumptions is guaranteed to create problems for anyone who is facing a negotiation situation. Since life is one seemingly endless series of negotiations both large and small, the sooner you let go of these “false facts,” the smoother and more fulfilling your life will be.
False Fact #1: To be an effective negotiator, you have to become a bully.
I suppose it’s true that some people will occasionally get what they want in a negotiation through intimidation and aggression. However, over time, the law of diminishing returns kicks in, especially in business. Business partners don’t take kindly to threats and bully tactics, and they will eventually find other business partners and leave the bully holding the bag. Bullying in order to achieve an immediate goal may lead to ultimate failure. In a negotiation, a professional, courteous, collaborative attitude – one that builds bridges instead of burning them – is the key to long-term success.
False Fact #2: Negotiating is kind of the same thing as having an argument
An argument implies a difference of opinion; a negotiation addresses a difference in needs or goals. Party A owns a piece of property, for which he would like to receive $5,000, because he would like to use the proceeds of the sale for a down payment on a new car. Party B would like to purchase the property for $4,000, because it adjoins his property and he would like to provide a buffer against new development, but he also has limited funds because he has a daughter in college. The negotiation then, is not actually an argument about the value of the property as much as it is a process aimed at discovering the best way for both sides to deal with their individual “becauses.” To the degree that both sides take the time to understand the actual needs and goals of the other party, they will be less likely to dig in on their opinions regarding the worth of the property (which could end up becoming an argument), and the more they will find ways to give something the other party will value in order to receive something valuable in exchange.
False Fact #3: The most effective negotiators are high-powered business people, politicians or diplomats who have special talent and lots of experience.
Honestly, while there are some very capable negotiators in the worlds of big business and politics, there are also a large number of horrible, inefficient, ineffective negotiators out there, too. Baker Communications makes a great deal of money training people in these sectors in the art of negotiation, so I know what I am talking about. Which brings up something that is true: good training will definitely provide anyone with the skill and confidence to become a more effective negotiator. But aside from that, a desire to help others succeed as much as you desire to succeed yourself, is one of the most important keys to becoming a good negotiator; that and a lot of practice. Do you know where the most effective negotiators are often? Look in kindergarten playrooms and flea markets. In both places you find people willing to give and take in ways that keep them working (or playing) together at the end of the day.
False Fact #4: Negotiations are intrinsically unethical, because people will usually attempt to deceive you in order to get what they want.
Well, it is certainly true that many of us have been taken by someone who misrepresented the facts in some way. Those people are certainly out there and it is up to you to perform the due diligence to make sure you know what you are getting into. (No, you can’t buy a genuine Rolex from a guy on a street corner in New York City. And don’t buy a used car until you have it checked out from a mechanic you trust.) However, as a rule, unethical negotiators end up as losers, not winners, in the end. This is very similar to the bully myth: people who lie and cheat eventually run out of friends and business partners. The more fair and open you are, the more likely it is that you will be able to find win-win solutions for your negotiations. If you have a reputation for being honest and trustworthy, your negotiation partners will be much more willing to work with you, which is the whole point of negotiation in the first place.
False Fact #5 – Negotiation outcomes favor whoever has the most power
Usually by power, we mean money, status, or legal position. There is no doubt that having things like money, status and legal precedent on your side can provide a lot of leverage in many negotiations. Still, power isn’t everything, partly because power can be defined in different ways. A small property owner with little money or status on his side, may be in a very powerful position if he has a parcel that a big powerful company needs to help put together a big deal. Also, big companies don’t create good will in the community by steamrolling over weaker groups. These days, some companies will think twice before taking a big public relations hit that could cost them customers going forward, and so they will find ways to collaborate with “weaker” partners. In reality, even in what may appear to be a mismatched negotiation, the “weaker” side still has sources of power, if we define power as anything that can be used to influence the outcome of the negotiation. Anything from a moral appeal to seeking offers or establishing alliances with other parties can create enough power to get the attention and gain the cooperation of a so-called more powerful party. Ultimately, if you don’t act like you are weak, you won’t be treated like that way.
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February Negotiation Quick Tip of the Month – Take It Outside
Wise negotiators know that not all effective negotiations take place around a big, polished conference table. After all, a negotiation is really only a conversation between two parties who are trying to get a set of needs met. So, a negotiation can take place anywhere you can hold a conversation. This is important to remember, especially if the negotiation you are conducting around that big, polished conference table has hit an uncomfortable impasse. Maybe emotions have become frayed; maybe one side has dug into an unreasonable position; perhaps people are just tired and no longer at their best. When this happens, try getting out of the conference room for a while. Go to lunch together, go downstairs to the break room and hit the vending machines, or go play golf. Do something to change the energy and dynamics of the negotiation. A different setting – one more relaxed, informal and sociable – may help build trust and inspire creative conversation and get the negotiation back on track.
