Have you ever heard a question and wondered if it was meant to be rhetorical?
Sometimes a person asking a question does not even give their audience time to think, much less respond. They may not really be interested in hearing another opinion. They might be asking a question to show how smart they are, or just fill the silence before they make their point.
Asking good questions requires truly listening to what others have to say. When we do, we are able to understand how to ask even better questions.
Managers who want to create a culture of coaching know that they need to model effective questioning skills. The best leaders know that the secret to asking questions effectively is to listen.
What Do You Need to Know?
Before having a coaching conversation, we should ask ourselves, “What is the information that we really need to know?” and “What would be the best way to get it?” These two questions can help us plan how to fill in the gaps of our understanding.
The language we use is important. A question such as “Why did you make this mistake?” is likely to put the coachee on the defensive. Instead of starting the question with “why,” we could try, “What are the reasons…?” Or imagine asking, “If you had to undertake a similar project again, what would you do differently?” That approach is more likely to provide meaningful discussion and insight.
Still, we do not want to get too caught up in finding the perfect words. We might even start with, “I may not be asking this question the right way…” if we are concerned about how the coachee will respond.
Depending on the situation, beginning with an explanation of why you need to ask a certain question can help to build trust. This explanation should be brief. A few words will do: “Just to be clear…” “Out of curiosity…” or “So we are on the same page…” may do the trick.
Asking good questions is not hard. That being said, practice helps. Often, improving your effectiveness is simply a matter of breaking bad habits. For example, a good rule to thumb to follow is to ask one question at a time. This may be common sense, but it is not common practice.
Less is More
You are likely to get better information if you ask fewer questions. This may seem like a paradox, until you realize that if you ask fewer questions, you will have more time to listen to the answers.
Taking the time to listen patiently without interrupting helps to show your desire to understand what the other person thinks. Rather than jumping to a new line of inquiry, simply saying “Tell me more,” or “What else?” can help you dive deeper and learn more.
When questions are asked in a rapid-fire progression one after another, the conversation may start to feel like an interrogation. When questions and answers build on each other, the dialogue takes on a natural rhythm. When there is a logical progression, everyone may see their situation from a different point of view and realize new possibilities.
One of the greatest challenges to coaching is creating a safe environment. By taking the time to listen and ask thoughtful questions, leaders can help their teams explore a wide variety of options without judgment.
What questions do you have?
