It’s a new year and everyone is making plans. It’s likely that you are spending the first few days of 2013 setting goals, making resolutions, and trying to figure out how to accomplish more this year than you did last year.
In the midst of all of that planning ahead, you might want to take a moment to consider what you did last year that you wish you hadn’t. How often did you waste time and energy doing something that turned out to be pointless? How many trivial tasks consumed your productivity without furthering your goals? What did you not get done because you were too busy solving other people’s problems?
Really think about, and honestly answer, this question: How often did you say “yes” when you really should have said “no?”
Did you ever find yourself trying to do too many things at once? Did you ever say “yes” to a request just to save face, or to avoid disappointing someone, or just because you’re a nice person who likes to help? Does saying “no” make you feel guilty?
Many of us overestimate what we are capable of handling, and as a result, many of us experience overload and overwhelm from trying to take on too much. Many of us also waste time and energy worrying about what other people think and trying to please or impress them.
The fact is that you are not a superhuman. In trying to be all things to all people, you may find that you’re not much use to anyone because you’re spread so thin. Look over the past year and take note of any periods of low productivity due to lack of focus. Did you have a hectic, overpacked schedule, resulting in stress and burnout? Did your work-life balance get out of kilter?
Many people are reluctant to say “no.” We may be concerned that the other person will be disappointed or angry, or that they will think less of us. We may worry that the other person will see it as a failure on our part, or a sign of weakness. Sometimes we feel that saying “no” implies rejection of the other person, not just their request. Saying “no” can thus feel dismissive, disrespectful, or selfish.
It is easy to make the mistake of thinking that everyone else depends on us, and that we are responsible for their feelings. When a boss or colleague, co-worker or employee, friend or loved one asks us to do something, the natural impulse is often to say “yes,” because we have respect, positive feeling, or affection for the asker. We may feel responsible for their success and want to assist them. We may wish to please or impress them because they have power over us.
Most of us want to appear generous, invested, hardworking, responsible, helpful, and caring. Saying “no” seems to be in opposition to these virtues, so it doesn’t come naturally.
The truth is that saying “no” can sometimes be the most responsible and appropriate thing to do. However, saying “no” is an acquired skill that will take some careful thought and some practice. It will probably feel uncomfortable and awkward at first. Choose your battles with care and discretion.
After you have tried saying “no” a few times you will realize that you are more in control of your life than you ever thought. You may still occasionally accept an invitation or do a favor that you are less than enthusiastic about, but at least it will be your decision. You need not be held hostage by guilt.
Remember that your time is your own, and you have every right to say “no” to something you don’t wish to do, that doesn’t further your goals, or that takes time away from the things you consider most important.
Learning to say “no” can increase your sense of control and your available time, further your goals, improve your outlook, lower your stress levels, and even improve your relationships. You may discover that certain people are constantly asking you to give and offering nothing in return; you can develop the ability to stop the energy drain. You no longer have to do favors resentfully, or rearrange your life to suit other people.
This year, develop the skill of saying “no” to some things, and you will create space to say “yes” to the things that are really important to you.
Baker Communications offers leading edge time management and personal productivity solutions that will help you address the goals and achieve the outcomes addressed in this article. For more information about how your organization can achieve immediate and lasting behavior change that will help your team members consistently achieve their high value goals while eliminating time wasted on interruptions and distractions click here.
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